Closing question

Did I find myself?

The question changed. In Hong Kong I didn't find myself, but I defined myself. Students, while in school, go through a natural self-exploration stage. Many things come with this - school has you expand the vessel (container of knowledge) while filling it up. Students feel overly confident about their skills and capacities, being taught these days they are full of promise, potential and power, but in the process they must remain flexible and definable, so this causes confusion in personality and identity (I think this is very specific to the school experience in the West). Some take time to define this, others put it aside, and others go out in search of it. I went to Hong Kong in search of it.

As a half-Chinese Canadian, I felt confused, stuck between two worlds, never in one or the other, stretched thin, looking for direction as to what I am.

I am layers
I have learned, that instead my personality and identity has many layers. I have the benefit of picking and choosing, combining, ignoring or being the sum of my heritage, past, capacities, skills. And that I have many opportunities and much potential to determine and define much more than who I am, but direction, and destination.

I noticed this in my discussions shortly arriving in Hong Kong. I spoke Chinese, I knew the music, I knew the food, I knew about the politics and the celebrity gossip. Questions would start when I would surprise my friends and friends of friends, usually over coffee or beer at a local coffeehouse or bar.

"Wai-Chung - how do you know (the old-time celebrity singer) Sam Hui?"
"Because I am of half-Hong Kong descent!"

"Wai-Chung - how come you have not been to Macau?"
"Because I am not from Hong Kong!"

A typical one:
"Wai-Chung - how come your Chinese is so good?"
"Because I am Half-Chinese - it should be good."
"Ah - so how come it is not better?"
"Because I am Canadian - I grew up in Canada."

I had excuses for everything. 3 of them. Part Chinese, not part Chinese, half-Chinese, Canadian. These are layers. I've learned I'm not stuck between them. This was inherent with my French-Canadian background - I can switch back and forth English to French, hardly a thought (I often forget what conversation on a topic was in what language - with some people I switch back and forth). This isn't being stuck, these are interchangeable hats of skills and background.

Canada was disorienting
But in Hong Kong I felt very comfortable though. I realized sometimes how out of place I felt sometimes in Canada - physically. Not exactly white, but not exactly anything else. And particularly thin, love technology gadgets (though I won't admit they're such) and toys (ibid). In Hong Kong, eerily I am similar stature to the general Hong Kong male (maybe a bit taller), same hair, same pose. It's weird. And the same with the gadgets and toys (they're the ones with them - not me. Mine are called 'technological tools' and 'casual objects'). And the body chemistry too - the drinking capacity, the appetite, I share these with the Hong Kong male. In Canada, I don't see these, and it can be disorienting.

Did I?
So, did I find myself in Hong Kong? I found I wasn't lost. I knew all along where I was - I just didn't have a destination yet and the terrain quite figured out.